Age-appropriate content is suitable for a young person’s developmental age, cognitive skills, and social maturity. It considers the kinds of information that young people can understand and process without causing emotional or developmental harm. This can mean avoiding content that is scary, emotionally overwhelming, or confusing, like violence or abuse. It might involve using terms and concepts that are familiar to a child and encourage learning and growth.
With more traditional forms of media, such as television, newspapers, and magazines, it was easier for children to stay away from content that wasn’t age-appropriate. But for young people who use social media (almost 40% of 8-12 year olds in the US), avoiding exposure to non-age-appropriate content is challenging, if not impossible.
Social media users can access a vast range of content with few barriers, and tools within social media platforms that attempt to restrict content depending on age are often ineffective, if they exist at all. Big tech companies operate internationally without reflecting cultural and social differences that may shape what age-appropriateness means for each child. And even when there is consensus about the kind of content children should view, it’s difficult to hold those who create and manage the platforms responsible.
This means that children and adolescents are often exposed to content that, especially without context and explanation, can be harmful. Aside from content that may be scary or emotionally challenging, they may also encounter perspectives and opinions that they don’t fully understand. Children can find themselves following – and internalising – the views of influencers that promote degrading treatment or hate speech against different groups of people, including women, immigrants, and LGBTQI people.
In this context, carefully discussing with a child about what the content they are exposed to means and why it is harmful is really important. While it may feel counterintuitive, talking about content is different from reproducing it, and it’s usually possible to give age-appropriate explanations for content that isn’t age-appropriate.
This blog offers some information about different kinds of harmful, non-age-appropriate content that children may encounter on social media and the internet. It also provides advice for parents on holding age-appropriate discussions with young people, challenging narratives, encouraging critical thinking, and co-forming boundaries.
A Note on “Age-Appropriateness”
Age-appropriateness can’t be defined by a numerical age. Children’s lives are diverse and development is rarely linear: instead, it’s complex and uneven, influenced by a child’s experiences and the society around them. Parents are often best placed to judge what is or isn’t age-appropriate for their child, but they shouldn’t be the only ones involved. Schools, teachers, communities, and public institutions can also play a role in determining what age-appropriateness means in practice.
Exposure to Highly Sexualised Content and Changing Aspirations
The internet is full of highly sexualised content, from online pornography sites to Twitter and TikTok videos. While “child accounts” on social media platforms supposedly block children from viewing this content, they are often ineffective. A recent report found that TikTok’s algorithms had recommended pornography and highly sexualised content to child accounts.
Pornography and sexualised content typically objectify women, and often contain other sexist themes. Abuse, aggression, degradation, and violence are commonplace. Children now encounter these ideas at an earlier and earlier age: the average age that kids first view pornography is thirteen.
Aside from sexually explicit material, young people may encounter sexualised content through the narration of celebrity influencers. Influencers like Bonnie Blue normalise the understanding of women as sex objects, using dehumanising language that reinforces narratives that women’s bodies exist for the pleasure of men. These influencers also impact children’s aspirations for the future, framing ideas about fame, money, and success in the context of sexualisation.
Political Social Media Influencers, the Manosphere, and Hate Speech
Young people increasingly use social media influencers as an essential news source, from following current affairs to hearing political opinions and analyses. One study found that 59% of 16 to 22-year-olds could name a favourite political social media influencer.
Social media influencers can act as opinion leaders, sharing chosen messages and information to followers who experience a connection with the influencer. They often simplify complex topics, making information easier to digest and more appealing to young people.
Today, many political social media influencers have thousands of young people following, listening to, and internalising their speech. Communities can form around specific influencers, creating a sense of belonging for those involved. This feeling can pull young people closer to an influencer and their community, while making it more likely that they’ll validate, believe, and internalise the opinions shared without critical thought.
Sometimes, social media influencers can share harmful opinions, viewpoints, and ways of thinking. Without critical thought, young people can internalise these views without being fully aware of what they really mean or the consequences of holding such opinions. With time, however, harmful and hateful messages can feel increasingly acceptable and, in the end, believed.
In these situations, younger children may be particularly at risk. Children in their pre-teens and early teens are frequently exposed to different forms of hate speech on social media, including the misogynistic influencers of “manosphere” and exclusionary, anti-immigrant rhetoric that’s framed as “being British”. Children may not differentiate these kinds of communities from harmless or positive groups or traditions, such as following the English football team.
With time, children can become increasingly involved in harmful communities without being fully – or even moderately – aware of what it means. But as they grow older and their awareness increases, they may have already become desensitised to, or internalised, these harmful views, affecting their value systems and behaviours.
In a society where many young people may feel adrift, lost, or lacking connection, the appeal of “belonging” can leave them increasingly vulnerable to the narratives of misogynist or anti-immigrant influencers. When unchallenged, these narratives can be compelling, reshaping the values of children, adults, and communities.
Parenting Skills: Explaining and Challenging Narratives
In these contexts, parents need to fill in information gaps and help children understand what these communities really mean. This includes pointing out harmful opinions and explaining why they are problematic. Parents may have to explain things more thoroughly than they did in the past, and at an earlier age.
Conversations about misogyny, racism, or other forms of hate speech can feel difficult or awkward for parents. They may feel particularly challenging for younger children when parents perceive the content itself as not age-appropriate. Parents may be left with the task of giving age-appropriate explanations of non-age-appropriate topics, which can leave them feeling unconfident and powerless.
These demands mean parents may have to develop skills and parenting techniques that are a bit different from previous generations, explaining specific topics earlier and more thoroughly. If parents think that a child has been exposed to misogynistic, sexualised, or anti-immigrant content, then it’s time to start discussing the topic, even if it feels early.
It’s helpful to remember that speaking about content is different from reproducing that content, and it’s possible to give an age-appropriate explanation for content that isn’t, in itself, age-appropriate. For example, a pre-teen may have watched an influencer speaking about women in a degrading, humiliating, or violent way – and this isn’t age-appropriate. But talking about what misogyny is and why it is harmful can be. With care, these conversations can be constructive and fruitful, even with younger children.
Straightforward but Direct Explanations
For younger children, it’s essential to give straightforward, direct, and honest explanations. Speak in short sentences using terms that they are familiar with, or carefully explain new terms if they are essential. Use examples that are appropriate to their age, referring to things they might have experienced or can relate to.
Asking Open Questions
Asking open questions can help frame the discussion in terms a child understands. For example, parents might want to ask, “What do you understand about the term misogyny?” or “Why are these kinds of views harmful?”.
If a young person reproduces harmful speech or misunderstandings, calmly challenge these opinions, explaining your own understanding of the point in question. Make sure a young person doesn’t feel like you’re judging them, or that they have done something wrong, but be clear when viewpoints are harmful. If they have essential gaps in their knowledge or understanding, offer direct but straightforward explanations.
Bite-Sized but Ongoing Discussions
For younger children, it’s helpful to have short but ongoing discussions about topics like misogyny, sex and sexualisation, and anti-immigration rhetoric. Giving too much information at once can be overwhelming and hard to process. Ongoing discussions also encourage young people to be self-reflective and to think critically about the content they encounter. They will also feel more comfortable asking you questions about experiences they have or information they receive.
Collaborative Parenting and Co-Forming Boundaries
When it comes to problematic internet behaviours in general, research suggests that while consistent boundaries surrounding social media use can have a positive impact, reactive restrictions may encourage harmful internet use. This means it’s important for parents to discuss with young people how they should use social media and why, rather than simply intervening when they see something they consider problematic.
Collaborative parenting involves discussing rules and boundaries together with a child, and trying to cultivate mutual understanding about why these boundaries are important. Put time aside to have these conversations, rather than opening the topic reactively.
On social media, young people may encounter hate speech in various places. Alongside well-known influencers like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson, there are many platforms with smaller followings that spread harmful ideas. Sometimes, seemingly innocuous content, such as gaming demonstration videos, is dotted with hate speech.
This means that creating boundaries that simply exclude certain influencers isn’t really effective. Instead, try to agree with your child not to watch or follow specific kinds of content, such as misogynistic or racist speech, or highly sexualised content. You may need to help them build skills that enable them to identify this kind of content, which can take time. Encourage them to show you influencers or posts with ideas they don’t understand or they feel might be harmful.
If your child shows you content that promotes hate speech, you may be able to report it to the social media platform. But it’s important to be aware that these processes aren’t always effective, and many social media platforms allow or even facilitate the spread of hate speech.
The Wave Clinic: Specialist Mental Health Support for Young People, Parents, and Families
The Wave Clinic offers residential and outpatient mental health treatment spaces for young people and families. Our programs take a whole-person approach to mental health support, carefully addressing the experiences and relationships that shape how a young person thinks, feels, and acts today.
At The Wave, family involvement is central to our programs. Our residential programs include a week of family therapy and memory-creating, while we stay connected with parents in the years ahead. We also offer parenting and family intensives, from three to twenty-one days, supporting parents and families to develop the skills they need to build supportive, boundaried, and resilient relationships.
If you’re interested in our programs, get in touch today.
