It’s normal for adolescents to experience a range of emotions, including distressing feelings. But sometimes young people experience emotions that are so intense that they feel unbearable. These experiences are more common among young people who are survivors of trauma or have other mental health concerns.
When young people haven’t developed ways to cope with these intense emotions, they can turn to high-risk or self-harming behaviours. They may use these behaviours as a distraction from their emotional pain or to escape from the situation they’re in. But these behaviours, such as self-harm, restricted eating, or substance abuse, have serious negative consequences.
For young people who experience very intense emotions, finding ways that help them cope is significant. These coping mechanisms can help them stay away from harmful behaviours, reduce their distress, and have a better quality of life. Some coping strategies work better for some young people than for others, so young people should try some different methods and find the ones that are best for them.
In this blog, we outline some different methods for coping with emotional distress, based on dialectical behavioural therapy’s “distress tolerance” module. The first four of these skills can help a young person cope with overwhelming emotions. While these skills don’t resolve the cause of distress, they help young people get to the other side. The final skill, radical acceptance, is about accepting that there are some things that can’t be changed and acknowledging these experiences without judgment.
Somatic Experiences
Emotions are both mental and physical. They’re brought on by changes in our brains and bodies in response to internal or external triggers. They involve physical components, like increased heart rate, fatigue, or muscle tension, that are integral to the experience of emotions. Emotional pain and physical pain are sometimes inseparable, and many people can locate the pain of an emotion in their bodies.
All this means that physical changes can affect our emotional state and help us cope with overwhelming feelings. The DBT skill TIPP outlines four different physical actions that you use in times of distress to reduce the intensity of an emotion or mood.
It can be difficult to think clearly during a crisis moment, so it’s a good idea to practice these techniques at a time when you’re feeling calm. As you try out these methods, you’ll understand better which techniques work best for you at different times.
TIPP stands for temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation.
Temperature
Change your body temperature by taking a cold shower, splashing cold water on your face, or holding an ice pack to your skin.
Intense Exercise
Intensely exercising for ten to fifteen minutes can help you release built-up emotions. Exercise also releases endorphins that help you feel better. You might want to run fast, skip, dance, run up the stairs, or jump up and down.
Paced Breathing
Paced or deep breathing exercises help to calm down the nervous system. You could try breathing in for five seconds and then out for seven seconds. Or you could try ‘box breathing’: breathe in for four seconds, hold in the air for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, and wait four seconds before breathing in again.
Try to do either of these exercises for one to two minutes.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation helps to relax tense muscles in your body, reducing emotional distress. Starting from your feet, tense your muscles and then release them again. Repeat this process throughout your body.
Distraction
Sometimes, when we are experiencing an emotional crisis, it can be helpful to create some distance between ourselves and the situation. Our emotional responses to the same event can be very different from one time to another. Distractions can help you put a situation to one side, so you can come back to it at a time when you’re more able to handle it.
When you’re experiencing intense emotions, it can be hard to think carefully. So it’s a good idea to make a list of distracting activities beforehand that you can turn to in overwhelming moments. Some examples of distractions include:
- Seeing a friend
- Going for a walk
- Watching a movie or reading a book
- Doing a puzzle
- Completing a task you have to do
Sensory Self-Soothing
Self-soothing can help us calm down, find a sense of comfort, and feel like things are going to be okay. One method of self-soothing involves using our senses to feel more grounded.
It’s a good idea to try different sensory experiences to find those that are most calming and grounding for you.
Some examples include:
- Sight – go into nature or make a collection of pictures that you find soothing to look at.
- Sound – listen to music that calms you down, sounds in nature like birdsong or wind in the trees, or the voice of a person you like.
- Smell – light a scented candle or incense, smell a perfume, or find plants or flowers that smell good to you.
- Taste – drink or eat food that is comforting, like a cup of tea or your favourite meal.
- Touch – hold a soft blanket against your skin or wrap yourself in it, or touch something velvety or fluffy.
Grounding Techniques
Grounding techniques help bring you back into the present moment, away from memories, flashbacks, anxieties, and inner worlds of thoughts. Grounding can involve different kinds of strategies, and some may work better for you than others. You may want to use more than one technique, in a sequence or however works for you.
Describing What You See
Try to look around you and quietly describe what you can see. Move from one object to the next, observing its colour and shape. Describe the features of the space more generally: is it spacious or crowded, open or closed?
Breathing
Take about five minutes to focus on your breathing. Start by breathing slowly and deeply, for five seconds in and out. As you breathe, be aware of how your body fills with air and then empties again. Feel your muscles expand and relax. Then, start breathing normally again, continuing to focus on these sensations.
Observe Your Body
Focus on how your body feels. Notice where there is tension in your body, and which parts feel relaxed. Observe where your body touches other things: the seat or back of the chair, or your feet on the floor. See if you can locate your emotions in your body – in your face, stomach, or shoulders.
Observe With Your Other Senses
Use your other senses to observe the space around you. What does it smell like, and what can you hear? Listen for quieter sounds that you may not notice at first.
Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance is about accepting that some of the distress and difficulties we face are outside of our control, and struggling against them results in even more pain. Acknowledging these feelings and experiences without judgment can make them easier to endure and open up space to change what we can.
One way to practice radical acceptance is to use coping statements. Coping statements can help you remember that there are some things that you cannot change and that, by accepting them, you can release yourself from additional turmoil and distress. Some examples of coping statements include:
- The present moment is a result of a thousand things that happened in the past
- I cannot change what has already happened
- Fighting my emotions only makes them stronger
- I accept this moment and the emotions I am feeling
The Wave Clinic: Specialist Mental Health Support for Young People and Families
The Wave Clinic provides specialist mental health care for children, adolescents, young adults, and families. We offer residential and outpatient programs with a diverse selection of evidence-based modalities. Our approach is trauma- and system-focused, emphasising the role of the family and other support systems in shaping a young person’s recovery.
If you’re interested in finding out more about our programs, get in touch today.
