What Is Mattering?
Mattering is our idea about how important we are to other people. This might include specific individuals, such as friends and family members, as well as communities, such as a school or university.
Some psychologists describe five different aspects of mattering which can make us feel like we matter. These are:
- Importance – feeling like other people care about our well-being
- Attention – feeling like others notice us
- Being missed -feeling like others miss us when we’re not there
- Ego extension – feeling like other people share in our achievements or disappointments
- Dependence – feeling like others depend on us for support or care
Mattering is an essential part of our self-concept, which is the idea of ourselves based on the things we think about ourselves and how others respond to us. If we feel like we don’t matter to other people, we’re likely to feel bad about ourselves, too.
Why Is Mattering Important for Mental Health?
Our self-concept plays a huge role in our mental health. When we don’t feel good about ourselves, we’re more likely to feel anxious, guilty, scared, or sad. We may worry more about past mistakes, feel like we’re unable to do the things we want to do, or struggle to believe that we are loved or lovable.
So, by impacting our self-concept, our sense of mattering also affects our mental health. When we feel like we matter, we are more resilient. When we feel like we don’t matter, we’re more likely to feel anxious or low. We may feel hopeless and experience emotional pain.
How Does Mattering Impact Young People’s Mental Health?
Over the past few decades, researchers have studied the impact of mattering on young people’s mental health. Studies have linked mattering with lower social anxiety and depression among university students, and with the well-being of children and teenagers. In particular, studies have addressed the way that not mattering or anti-mattering may cause different kinds of psychological distress.
When young people feel like they don’t matter, they experience more than just an absence of the positive feelings that come with mattering. Not mattering, or an anti-mattering, may come with feelings of insignificance, invisibility, not being cared about, and being marginalised.
One study found that educational anti-mattering, when young people feel like they don’t matter to teachers and friends, is associated with depression, anxiety, and stress among university students in Romania. Other research indicates that higher levels of mattering and lower levels of anti-mattering are associated with lower levels of mental health problems in UK universities.
Mattering and Social Conflicts
Mattering may be especially important when young people experience conflicts or difficulties in their relationships with others. Young people who feel like they matter may be more resilient to interpersonal difficulties and experience less distress when they occur.
On the other hand, young people who think they don’t matter may be more likely to feel uncared for and unloved after a social conflict. They may be more inclined to leave or avoid a relationship, rather than trying to work things through.
Adolescence and Identity-Development
Adolescence is a time of identity exploration and development. As their sense of self emerges, it’s shaped by their own introspection, but also by how they understand that others perceive them. Adolescents who feel like they matter to individuals or their community internalise this perception and understand themselves as valuable and important beings.
On the other hand, if they think that they don’t matter to their friends, family, or community, they may conclude that they are essentially non-mattering. They may carry this self-concept through to future interactions and experiences. Assuming that they don’t matter, they may find it harder to trust that people care about them or to rely on others. They may lack the confidence to pursue things that interest them or to feel excited or proud of their achievements.
Anti-Mattering and Violent Behaviour
When young people feel like they don’t matter, it can affect more than just their psychological well-being. They may be more likely to both behave violently and experience violence from others.
For example, one study found that girls who experienced dating violence were more likely to feel like they didn’t matter to their communities. Another found that young people who engaged in violent behaviours had lower levels of mattering than those who didn’t.
As such, mattering is essential for a young person’s emotional, physical, and social well-being, affecting the experiences they will face and the way they will act and respond.
Mattering and Youth Suicidality
Mattering may be particularly important in the context of youth suicidality and suicide prevention. For a long time, researchers have identified the link between anti-mattering and suicidality. Anti-mattering feelings, such as invisible or unheard, can be internalised. A young person may feel like they do not matter to themself, leading to unrestrained impulsive behaviours. They may also be generalised, so that a young person feels like they are cared about by no one. Alternatively, they can combine with feelings of hopelessness, and someone may feel as though they will never matter to anyone.
Young people who feel like they don’t matter may also be less likely to seek help when they experience suicidal thoughts or ideations. If they believe that other people don’t care about them, they may doubt that they will receive meaningful care and support.
But for young people who feel like they matter, mattering can be a source of strength and hope. It provides a key source of resilience, including interpersonal resilience, and a source of social worth that they can draw upon when confronted with emotional and social challenges. This means that instilling mattering in young people is vital, especially if they are at risk of suicide. Mattering may play an essential role in preventing suicide and recovery from intense emotional distress.
Suicide Prevention
If you are feeling suicidal, there are people who would like to help. You may want to discuss your feelings with a friend, family member, or someone else you trust. You can also call a phone line for confidential support. If you’re living in the UK, you could call:
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Papyrus (for people under 35) – call 0800 068 4141
What Causes Young People to Feel Like They Matter or Don’t Matter?
As young people grow up, they are influenced by various social forces and also face social harms. These might come from the family system or through social norms and conditions. They might be felt at home, in school, in their community, or through social media.
Mattering can be instilled through consistent, secure, lasting and committed relationships (with parents, siblings, or peers) that provide deep recognition that they are valuable and that they matter. It’s encouraged through acceptance, respect, and a sense of significance within social groups, communities, and institutions.
On the other hand, young people who are marginalised and discriminated against by society are especially likely to feel like they don’t matter. Social oppressions like racism and sexism can leave young people unheard and undervalued.
Interpersonal harm, such as parental criticism or bullying, can also lead to anti-mattering. And even in the earliest stages of a young person’s life, a lack of responsiveness from parents can cause infants to understand that their actions don’t make a difference, entrenching feelings of worthlessness.
Instilling Mattering in Young People
Because mattering is so important for young people’s well-being, instilling feelings of mattering is an essential part of mental health support. Positive feelings of mattering can be harnessed and grown, providing young people with a source of strength and resilience. Initiatives and psychosocial interventions can help young people develop a positive sense of self and feel valued by others and the wider community.
A huge part of instilling mattering in young people involves giving them care and attention. Young people need to feel heard and respected to believe that they matter to others. Being listened to can be a crucial tool in a young person’s recovery, showing them that what they have to say, think, and feel is important. Both mental health professionals and family and community members should take time to really listen to young people.
Close and caring relationships also help young people to feel like they matter. Attachment-based relationships with people who value them can show that they are important and loved. It’s also often important for young people to feel like they’d be missed if they were no longer around. This can be communicated by letting a young person know when they’ve been thought about or missed.
How Do We Ensure That Every Young Person at the Wave Matters?
Mattering involves feeling like you matter to family members, peers, and the wider community. This means feeling like you belong to a community and feeling valued by the community you’re in. All young people need to feel like they have something to contribute to their community and the wider world, and that they have a structure and purpose.
At the Wave, our opportunities enable young people to contribute in various ways, whether through our global citizenship programs or educational initiatives. Within our personal learning programs and vocational qualifications, young people can develop the skills they need to support, create, teach, build, or otherwise contribute to their community and the wider world.
Within our programs, young people have the chance to be seen and to see others. But to feel like they matter, young people also need to be able to recognise and acknowledge their ‘seenness’. This involves certain cognitive and emotional skills, such as mentalising – to ability to understand and validate the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours of ourselves and others.
So, alongside our social opportunities, our psychological approaches also nurture a sense of ‘mattering’. By working with young people to develop and enrich skills like mentalising, we support young people in recognising the ways they do matter and make a difference in the lives of others.
The Wave Community
When young people come to the Wave, they’re usually already part of one or many communities – and after they leave, they may become part of even more. But, importantly, young people also become valued members of our community, both now and in the future. The Wave community creates a sense of belonging for every young person – a feeling of complete acceptance within a safe and supported environment.
Even after they’ve left the Wave, young people stay part of our community. We nurture and care for this relationship through our alumni program, providing a space where each young person continues to feel valued, appreciated and connected long after their time receiving treatment.
While mattering to others is, of course, important, mattering to ourselves is the key. In practice, these concepts are interdependent: when we feel like we matter to others, we also appreciate ourselves. And when we appreciate ourselves, we can form closer and more fulfilling relationships with others.
Mattering creates a scaffolding for the development of self-esteem and self-worth, and a base on which we build our values. It’s an essential part of the well-being of young people, that both shapes and is shaped by their lives.
