When parents separate or divorce, it shakes the family system. Families often start a grieving process, experiencing a range of emotions like shock, sadness, and anger. Separation itself, as well as the events leading up to it, can sometimes be traumatic for family members, including both parents and children.
Alongside the emotional and relational consequences of separation, families must also navigate the legal aspects. The legal process of divorce and separation – while far less critical – can sometimes influence elements of the separation process, such as the speed at which it occurs or the communication between family members.
When legal teams are involved, things often move quickly. But lawyers need to be aware that families are in a grieving process and take care not to cause additional harm. This requires a trauma-informed approach where lawyers work alongside other professionals, such as psychologists and social workers, to safeguard parents’ and children’s well-being.
A Trauma-Informed Approach
A separation process may be understood as an evolving trauma situation. As the process continues, different traumatic events can unfold. The impact of these events can also change depending on the support family members receive and the coping mechanisms they use.
This means that all aspects of the separation process should be trauma-informed, including the legal part.
Slowing Down Legal Processes
Lawyers often rush through the divorce or separation process. Legal teams are used to working to timelines that are detached from the emotional experiences of their clients. However, in an evolving trauma situation, moving too fast can be detrimental to a family’s well-being, creating additional trauma throughout the family system.
Within a trauma-informed approach, lawyers prioritise the well-being of family members and the interpersonal processes between family members. These organic processes should set the pace for separation, and the legal steps should be tailored to fit around them. Lawyers should be ready to quickly refer to psychological and social support when it’s needed.
Avoiding Re-Traumatisation
Legal processes often put one parent against the other. Without care, such processes may re-ignite conflicts or harmful behavioural patterns between partners that can be re-traumatising.
Children may also experience re-traumatisation as they observe and are impacted by additional conflicts and interpersonal harm.
Connecting with Social Support
During a separation or divorce, support networks are really important. Social support plays a fundamental role in recovery from trauma, helping to reduce post-trauma symptoms and prevent long-term harm. With high-quality social support, family members can recover from the grief and shock of separation and maintain positive relationships with one another.
Offering or facilitating social support is rarely the priority of legal teams. That’s why it’s essential to have a trauma-informed team of lawyers that emphasises social and psychological support. They may help family members reach out to trusted friends, relatives, or community figures, or connect them with mental health professionals.
Understanding the Family System
Families should be understood as systems where all family members are interconnected. This means that the behaviours of one family member affect all the others, but also that the relationship between two family members impacts the relationships between others.
It also means that family members’ behaviours are shaped by the way a family is structured and its dynamics.
When parents go through a separation or divorce, the family system is shaken. When parental relationships are shaken, parent-child relationships are also shaken.
Recovery from family disruption involves creating new family structures with healthy boundaries, allowing families to work together again even after separation.
Families may need additional support to restructure their relationships, especially if harmful family dynamics had been present for some time before the separation. Family therapists can help families identify unhelpful behaviours and loose or rigid boundaries – and build a positive, supportive family system.
Prioritising Young People’s Well-Being
Research has established that separation, conflict, and divorce can have a lasting impact on young people’s mental health. Children whose parents have divorced are more likely to have mental health problems as adults, particularly if divorces happen during their teenage years.
There are many ways that parental conflict and separation processes can impact children. When parents are preoccupied with their relationship, they may struggle to meet their children’s emotional needs. This can disrupt their emotional and social development, making it harder for them to form trusting relationships in the future. In some cases, it can be a traumatic experience.
When poorly managed, separation processes can create toxic parent-child relationships that cause additional harm to young people’s mental health. For example, parents can involve children in their relationship, conflicts, and communication, a process known as triangulation. Triangulation is associated with various emotional and behavioural problems, such as self-blame and low self-esteem.
Unfortunately, when families are preoccupied with significant events, children often slip through the net. This means that young people don’t always receive the care and support they need to safeguard their mental health and well-being. Parents may also act in ways that overlook children’s needs.
Within a trauma-informed approach to separation, providing social and emotional support for young people should be a priority. This can happen through school counsellors, psychologists, and social support workers. At times like this, support goes a long way, helping to prevent the development of mental health problems at the time and in the future.
An External Safe Place
Sometimes, it’s useful for young people to have a safe place external to the family. Divorce, conflict, or separation can create stress in the family that lasts for some time, even with support and guidance. This kind of home environment can make it hard for young people to work through and recover from traumatic experiences.
In these circumstances, residential trauma treatment can prevent the impact of trauma from lasting for years or developing into a mental health crisis. Residential spaces offer a safe and supported environment away from family stress, tensions, and harmful interpersonal dynamics. They provide young people the chance to process and understand their experiences while developing skills, coping mechanisms, and resilience.
A Tri-Partite Model for Lawyers Working in Evolving Trauma Situations
At The Wave, we advocate for a trauma-focused approach in every aspect of the separation process. We propose a tripartite model for lawyers working within an evolving trauma situation.
1. Safety
Establishing safety is the priority, whether parents stay together or not. In situations involving abuse, this may require preventing communication and contact with a family member. In other cases, safety means protecting family members from further emotional harm that ongoing conflicts and separation procedures may cause.
Lawyers should remember that events are unfolding in that moment, and so the trauma is present and evolving. Legal teams may work with the client or family to ensure psychological and physical safety and build a crisis intervention plan. This sometimes means simply slowing things down to allow the parties to ‘feel’. While time is essential in legal procedures, slowing down to understand clients’ processes can help prevent escalations that may be detrimental in the long run.
2. Stability
After establishing safety within the family, lawyers can focus on moving from the initial crisis towards stability. This process might look different for every family. For some families, it could involve liaising with schools or changing schools, moving homes, or engaging in long-term mental health support.
When stability is achieved, it should improve family resilience to future challenges and provide a protective support system for all family members. Sometimes, maintaining stability is an ongoing process that involves both setbacks and steps forward. Legal teams and families should act with compassion and be ready to adapt their plans when it’s needed.
3. Consideration and Processing
Throughout the separation process, lawyers should be trauma-aware. Legal teams should avoid moving too quickly or overloading families with information that is difficult to process in a trauma situation. It’s essential to look out for signs that something more complex is emerging.
Finally, lawyers should keep in mind that legal processes and support are only one aspect of the separation process. They should be ready to quickly refer to trained and licensed family therapists, other mental health services, and social support services whenever they have concerns.
The Wave Clinic: Specialist Mental Health Support for Young People
The Wave Clinic offers specialist mental health support for young people and families. We provide a family-centred, trauma-focused approach to mental health recovery, emphasising how past experiences and interpersonal relationships affect the way individuals and families feel, think, and act.
We deliver our services from our residential and outpatient clinics in Malaysia, as well as online.
If you’re interested in finding out more, contact us today.
