Many young people experience grief before they reach adulthood. Grief isn’t a mental health condition; it’s a normal response to loss that most people will experience at some point during their lives. But grief can be deeply painful and difficult for a person of any age.
This blog offers some information about what it’s like for a young person to experience grief and how you can best support them.
What Is Grief?
Grief is a natural response to losing something significant to us. Grief is often associated with the death of a loved one or someone we are close to. But grieving processes can also follow other experiences of loss, like the end of a relationship or big life changes.
A young person may grieve for many reasons, such as when:
- a family member has died
- a friend or someone else known to them has died
- a person close to them has become ill
- someone they know has died by suicide
How Might a Young Person Experience Grief?
Every individual experiences grief differently. It’s normal for someone to experience many different emotions that may change over time. These include feelings of sadness, anger, denial, confusion, numbness, and worry.
Intense emotions can also manifest as physical symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches, and other physical pains.
Grief isn’t a linear process, and it often comes in waves. Sometimes, young people may feel grief at times they expect, like anniversaries or holidays. But grief can also suddenly hit at unexpected times.
When a young person is grieving, they may:
- experience waves of crying, sometimes without an apparent cause
- feel unwell
- lose their appetite or eat more than usual
- feel tired and lethargic
- have difficulties sleeping or sleep a lot
What Are the ‘Stages of Grief’?
People sometimes talk about the stages of grief. They say that grief is a process of 5 stages, each connected to a core emotion, that people move between in any order.
However, in reality, everyone’s experience of grief is different. Some young people may feel all these emotions but many others will not.
Many young people find that learning about the stages of grief makes their journey more difficult. They may feel like they are not grieving in the ‘right’ way or that the process is taking too long. In truth, there is no correct or ‘normal’ way to experience grief. It’s important for every young person to grieve in their own way and to treat themselves with patience and kindness.
Experiencing Relief When Grieving
Sometimes, experiences of loss are also accompanied by feelings of relief. This might happen when the person lost was abusive or otherwise harmful to a young person or their loved ones. Coping with these kinds of losses can be very difficult and confusing. Young people may experience a range of conflicting emotions, including sadness, guilt, and relief.
It’s important for young people to understand that all their emotions are valid. When you’re speaking to a young person about their grief, remember to validate their emotions and avoid being judgemental. It may help them to speak about their experiences with a mental health professional who can support them to understand and manage their feelings, thoughts, and memories.
How Can You Support a Young Person Coping with Grief?
When someone is grieving, spending time with loved ones can provide immense support. Sometimes, young people may also like to take more time for themselves for a while, and that’s also okay. But it’s important to ask how they would like to be supported.
If you’re also experiencing grief yourself, you might find it hard to support a young person as much as you would like, especially if your grieving processes are different. You may want to ask other relatives, family friends or community members to offer additional support for both yourself and your young person. You can also help a young person reach out to other people, such as close friends or teachers.
Spending Time Together
Spending time with a young person helps them to feel loved and cared for. It may give them a short break from feelings of grief, allowing them to feel safe and relaxed.
You can spend time together in lots of different ways. You might want to watch a movie, go for a walk, or cook together.
Celebrating a Person’s Life
Celebrating the life and strengths of a person who has been lost can help a young person to express their feelings for that person. You write letters or poems or create something special, like planting a tree.
Include Them in Community Events
Families and communities usually mark the loss of a loved one through ceremonies, events, and traditions. It’s important to include young people in these events in a way that’s appropriate to their age. You should always ask a young person if and in what way they would like to be involved.
For example, before a funeral, you could ask a young person if they would like to attend and how they would like to contribute. They might like to help with specific arrangements or choose a piece of music. Make sure they know in advance what to expect.
Support Them to Speak About Their Emotions
Speaking about grief and emotions can help a young person cope with their feelings. Sometimes it can be easier to express emotions with written words or pictures rather than in conversation. They may want to write a letter about how they feel, to you or to the person they’ve lost.
Speak Openly About the Person They’ve Lost
Sometimes people avoid speaking about a person who has been lost because they’re afraid of triggering painful emotions. But this can be very confusing for a young person. It’s important that they know they can speak about that person whenever they feel like it.
Make sure you continue to speak about the person in the coming days, months, and years. You may want to put photos of them around the house or do something special on anniversaries.
Support Them to Keep Doing Things that Give Them Pleasure
Some young people may feel like it’s wrong to have fun during a grieving process. But doing activities they enjoy can offer a break from painful emotions and help them to cope with grief.
Remind your young person that having a nice time doesn’t mean you stop missing a person or have forgotten about them. Instead, the person would have wanted them to be happy.
Continue Your Everyday Routines
When a young person loses someone close to them, they may feel confused and out of touch with reality. Continuing normal routines—like eating meals together—can help provide a sense of stability and grounding. Encourage them to keep seeing friends and doing their hobbies.
Reaching Out for Help
Grief can be an extremely difficult process for both young people and their families. Don’t hesitate to reach out for extra support if you need it. You might want to consider:
- contacting a grief counselling service or pre-bereavement support service
- accessing support over the phone, text, or online chats
- starting longer-term counselling and therapy
- speaking with your doctor
Take Care of Yourself
Supporting a young person who is grieving can bring up a lot of emotions. It’s important that you take care of yourself too and reach out for extra support if you need it. Looking after yourself will help you to be there for your child.
There’s lots of extra support out there, from grief-specific counselling to more general mental health support. You could speak with your doctor or another mental health professional about the different services available.
The Wave Clinic: Specialist Recovery Programs for Young People
The Wave Clinic offers specialist treatment spaces for young people experiencing mental health concerns. We provide residential and outpatient care for adolescents and young adults, setting the global standard for youth mental health support. Our programs include a diverse selection of treatment modalities in individual, group, and family settings.
Our programs aim to make a difference in the lives of young people, combining exceptional clinical care with education, social responsibility, and enriching experiences. We support young people to grow in self-confidence, build life skills, and discover new life paths. Our core values of fairness and inclusivity permeate everything we do.
If you’re interested in finding out more about our programs, get in touch today. We’re here to support you.
