Marriage difficulties and divorce are common in many parts of the world. Recent data from Abu Dhabi shows that 62% of Emirati couples in Abu Dhabi divorce within the first four years of their marriage.
Divorce and unhealthy parental relationships can have a profound effect on young people. They’re linked to emotional and behavioural mental health problems both during adolescence and young adulthood. This means that supporting parents undergoing conflict – and helping young people manage its consequences – should be a priority.
This blog looks into the consequences of divorce, triangulation, and discord between parents for young people’s mental health. It also explores some of the interventions that can help parents navigate conflicts without harming a young person’s well-being – and how young people can be supported in the process.
Divorce and Mental Health
When parents divorce, it can have a big impact on a young person’s mental health, both at the time and in the future. There are several reasons why this might happen. For example, divorce may be associated with family instability and conflict both before and after the divorce. Divorce is also stigmatised in many societies and may cause feelings of shame and isolation in young people.
Equally, divorce may be a sign of harmful and problematic relationships between parents – whereas parents who don’t divorce may be more likely to have healthy relationships. Parents in problematic relationships may find it difficult to care properly for a child. Witnessing damaging behaviours can also be harmful in itself.
With research now documenting the negative consequences of troubled marriages on young people, it’s not always clear whether divorce itself – or the conflicts that cause it – underpins the differences in well-being between children of divorced and non-divorced parents.
How Does Divorce Affect the Mental Health of Children and Adolescents?
Research has found that by age 12, children of divorced parents have more mental health problems than those with non-divorced parents. This includes emotional symptoms like depression and anxiety as well as behavioural difficulties.
They also tend to have more negative perceptions of themselves, greater social and economic difficulties, lower academic achievement, and more problematic relationships with parents.
How Does Divorce Affect Young Adult’s Mental Health?
A 2016 study of more than 40,000 participants looked into the effects of divorce during childhood and adolescence on their mental health as adults. It found that people whose parents had divorced were more likely than others to have had a mental health disorder after the age of 17, particularly substance and alcohol use disorders.
An earlier study found that divorce was linked to a 39% increased risk of mental health problems in young adults. They also found that divorces between the ages of 11 and 16 had more negative consequences than divorces between ages 7 and 11. This might reflect the particular vulnerability of adolescents to mental health issues: adolescence is a time of major developmental changes and life transformations that may be deeply affected by family conflicts and instability.
Safe-Guarding Young People When Parents Divorce
While divorce may always be a difficult experience for young people, there are ways to make it less distressing. When divorces lead to ongoing conflicts and instability in families, the emotional toll may be greater. This means that social and psychological support for families undergoing divorce can be especially important, helping families come to fair and stable arrangements for the future.
The way that parents relate to their children during or after a divorce is also important. For example, when parents involve children in their conflicts, it can create extra anxiety and distress for young people. Educational interventions can help parents avoid harmful behaviours and pursue positive ones.
Finally, it’s important for children to receive emotional support during and after a divorce. This may be from friends or other family members, like older siblings, aunts, or uncles. Teachers and other community figures can also play a supportive role. Sometimes professional support (such as therapy) is needed to help young people manage their emotions and maintain mental well-being.
Understanding Triangulation
Sometimes when parents divorce, families experience something called triangulation. Triangulation happens when parents involve their child in their own relationship, conflicts, and communication. This might include:
- Pressuring a child to take sides
- Using a child as a messenger or way to communicate with each other
- Sharing negative information about the other parent to a child
Although triangulation is not only found in divorced families, it is more common among divorced parents than non-divorced parents.
Triangulation can deeply affect a young person and their well-being. It goes against the usual boundaries of a family system, putting a child in a confusing and distressing position. This can cause various emotional and behavioural problems, self-blame, and low self-esteem.
What Are Some Effects of Triangulation?
When parents make negative comments about one another to a child or pressure them to take sides, their child may experience a conflict of loyalty. Children usually feel loyalty towards both of their parents and the pressure of these behaviours can cause serious distress.
Triangulation can push young people to feel responsible, to some extent, for their parents’ divorce or conflicts. When young people feel more involved in their parents’ conflicts (rather than just exposed to them), they may be more likely to blame themselves.
Triangulation may also affect young people’s self-esteem. Children can start to feel like they are not valued for themselves but are instead used as a tool in their parents’ relationship. When parents become increasingly preoccupied with their conflicts, children can begin to feel invisible. This can have a pervasive impact on their self-esteem and self-worth.
Research shows that children with higher levels of empathy may be especially affected by triangulation.
Protecting Young People from Triangulation
One of the most important ways to prevent triangulation is to inform and educate parents about its consequences and risks. Many parents may be unaware of the negative impact triangulation can have on a young person. Through family therapy, psycho-education, and other interventions, parents can learn to identify triangulation behaviours and take steps to avoid them.
Therapists can also work with children to help protect them from some of the harm triangulation can cause. This might involve addressing loyalty conflicts between parents and building self-esteem. These interventions can help young people stay resilient during their parents’ conflicts and reduce distressing thoughts and feelings.
How Do Conflicts Between Parents Affect Young People?
Unhealthy relationships between parents can have a big effect on the mental health of young people. Research has established that difficulties within marriages are linked to emotional and behavioural problems among young people.
Young people whose parents experience marital discord are more likely to have low self-esteem and distressing emotions than those in healthy family systems. They may also be more anxious, impulsive, and emotional.
A study from Saudi Arabia looked into the consequences of marital discord for adolescent females at university. They found that:
- there was a significant association between conflicts in marriages and depression, anxiety, and stress among young females in the family
- parents in unstable marriages showed lower levels of care and greater protectiveness towards their children
While problems between parents can cause serious harm to young people’s well-being, families can take steps to prevent some of this harm. Family therapy and parenting interventions can help parents identify behaviours that impact their children and understand how their own conflicts can affect parent-child relationships. Couples therapy can help parents manage interpersonal difficulties and develop a stable and supportive relationship.
At the same time, therapists can work with young people to help them cope with their parents’ conflicts. These coping strategies can protect them against some of the emotional harm that marital discord may cause.
The Wave Clinic: Making A Difference in Young Lives
The Wave Clinic provides mental health support for children, adolescents, and young adults. We set the global standard for young people’s mental health care, combining unequalled clinical care with education, community work, and enriching experiences. We focus on family systems and the influence of a young person’s support network on their well-being and recovery.
Our treatment spaces offer residential and outpatient support. We organise follow-up care in the place where a young person lives, working with an exceptional network of professionals around the world. We plan for young people’s futures from the moment they enter our centre, taking a long-term approach to recovery and growth.
If you’re interested in finding out more about our programs, get in touch today. We’re here to support you.
Fiona Yassin is the founder and clinical director at The Wave Clinic. She is a U.K. and International registered Psychotherapist and Accredited Clinical Supervisor (U.K. and UNCG).
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