Emotional regulation is an integral skill that underpins our cognitive, emotional and social functioning and well-being. It involves modulating and managing our emotions so that we can keep doing the things we want to do. This might mean preventing emotions from becoming too intense or calming and soothing difficult feelings.
We start learning these skills as young infants, and continue developing them throughout childhood, adolescence and into our adult lives. At first, developing emotional regulation skills involves observing and mimicking our experiences in trusting relationships, following the role modeling of caregivers, relatives and friends. As we grow older, learning to regulate our emotions can be a more conscious process, and we may actively search for techniques and strategies that make managing emotions easier.
What Is Emotional Dysregulation?
Young people who experience emotional dysregulation face challenges modulating and managing their emotions. They may find it hard to self-soothe after disappointing experiences or calm down from feelings of anger. They might struggle to let a feeling go or focus on a different task for a while, instead remaining immersed in an emotion for a long time, even when it makes daily life difficult.
Emotional dysregulation develops when a young person’s emotional learning processes are disrupted. This might be because they lack stable environments and relationships that facilitate socio-emotional learning, or because their caregivers aren’t able to role model effective emotional regulation. Sometimes, young people don’t have the cognitive skills required to internalise and apply the emotional regulation techniques that they observe in other people.
Environments that invalidate children’s emotions can be particularly detrimental to the development of emotional regulation. When caregivers or other significant figures invalidate, ignore or minimise young people’s emotions, it prevents them from learning how to identify, understand and interact with their feelings. This can lead to emotional dysregulation.
Are There Gender Differences in Children and Adolescents’ Experiences of Emotional Dysregulation?
The way we manage – or struggle to manage – our emotions is intrinsically linked to the environment we live and grew up in, and our social relations with other people. Boys, girls and non-binary people are socialised differently, impacted by gender norms that continue to shape our societies. These norms affect the kind of emotions and behaviours that are considered “acceptable” for each gender, the responses of other people to certain actions and expressions of feelings and the kind of conversations and connections young people have with friends and family.
For example, girls tend to have more conversations with one another about their emotions from a younger age, and emotions such as sadness or anxiety are more readily accepted. Boys, on the other hand, are sometimes discouraged from showing emotions that could imply “weakness”, while outbursts of anger may be tolerated.
These differences in socialisation – combined with biological differences – mean that experiences of emotional regulation and dysregulation tend to vary with different gender identities.
Several studies have explored the gender differences in emotional dysregulation among young people. One study among children and adolescents found that anxiety among girls was most strongly linked to having fewer emotional regulation strategies and a lack of clarity about the emotions they experience. On the other hand, anxiety among boys was only associated with challenges in overcoming negative emotions.
Another study among young adults explored the different emotional regulation strategies used by men and women. They found that when young women faced stressful situations, they were more likely than men to dwell on and overthink negative consequences, or to try and put what was happening into perspective. Young men, on the other hand, were more likely to blame others.
What Are the Signs and Symptoms of Emotional Dysregulation in Girls?
The signs and symptoms of emotional dysregulation can be different among girls and boys. Girls are more likely to internalise emotional difficulties, experiencing anxiety, low mood or other affect symptoms. Boys, on the other hand, are more prone to expressing emotional challenges outwardly, through displays of anger or blaming others.
Internalised emotional challenges can sometimes be harder to notice, meaning that emotional dysregulation in girls can be missed or overlooked.
Some signs and symptoms of emotional dysregulation in girls include:
- Strong feelings of rejection or being left out
- Sensitivity to criticism
- Anxiety
- Low mood
- Using harmful coping mechanisms, such as self-harm or high-risk behaviours, perfectionism or people pleasing
- Sudden and intense mood shifts
- Tension and irritability
Developing Emotional Regulation Skills for Girls
While emotional regulation skills can be organically acquired as we grow up, they’re also something that we can actively learn. Therapy and psychoeducation approaches can help girls learn how to identify and understand their emotions while developing useful techniques to manage and modulate them.
Some therapy approaches that can address emotional dysregulation include:
- Dialectical behavioural therapy
- Mindfulness-based therapy
- Emotional regulation skills training
These treatment modalities use individual or group therapy sessions to teach different kinds of emotional regulation skills. This might include techniques aimed at tolerating emotional distress, validating your own emotions or learning to take a step back from and observe an emotion, rather than immediately acting on it. Mindfulness skills focus on observing and accepting emotions without judgment and relating to yourself with self-compassion.
The Wave: Transformative Mental Health Support for Young People and Families
The Wave offers specialist mental health treatment spaces for young people and families. Our residential and outpatient programs provide a diverse selection of evidence-based treatment modalities, delivered by experts in child and adolescent psychology from around the world. Our programs are trauma-focused and family-centred, taking a whole-person, social approach to mental health support that looks towards the future.
We support young people to develop life skills, discover new paths and grow in self-confidence. We emphasise inclusiveness and fairness in everything we do.
If you’d like to find out more about our programs, get in touch today.
